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Introduction: powerful adverbials“Easily improve your writing by doing this one thing: delete adverbs.” This is one of the most common pieces of writing advice I see on social media, and I hate it. It’s horrible advice because it’s vague, broad, and a bit moralistic (it sets up those who use adverbs as “bad writers” and those who don’t as “good writers”). You’re not a bad writer if you use adverbs. In fact, even those writers who take that advice to page probably still use them. Adverbials are indeed one of the most powerful tools in a writer’s style kit because they’re so versatile. Not only are there 5 types of adverbials, but each type is movable. This means a writer can play with the position of adverbials until they find the right emphasis, rhythm, and tone for the message they want to convey. What is an adverbial?
(reason), and how often (frequency). Although they are considered a part of the predicate, they can appear nearly anywhere in the sentence. The 5 types of adverbialsThe five main types of adverbs are:
Adverbial degrees
Superlative adverbs compare the quality of an action between at least three persons, groups, or things. Superlative adverbs are sometimes used for emphasis rather than comparison. Placement of adverbialsThe placement of an adverbial can change the emphasis, tone, and meaning of the sentence, so it’s important that you exactly what you want to convey. Generally, you want to place the adverb as near to what it’s modifying as possible to prevent a misreading.
Middle adverbials show up within or directly around the verb phrase. They put stress on the verb, but they can also interrupt the flow of the sentence and can slow the reader down. The normal placement of simple and flat adverbs is here, between the auxiliary and principal verbs or following a principal verb. Adverbs that modify words other than verbs should immediately precede the word qualified. She hastily sat on the settee. Ending adverbials are placed after the main clause. They put stress on the adverbial. If the adverbial provides new information, it should be placed here. Adverbs generally follow intransitive verbs. She was sitting on the settee when I walked into the parlor. Signs of ineffective adverbials
Exercise 4 Further studyThe Chicago Manual of Style 5.156–5.171
3 writing myths debunked
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Show, don't tell
detail in the narrative distance and directing the reader’s focus. Since telling is often framed as bad writing, here are some criteria for using telling effectively: Delete your adverbs
acknowledge the type of information they find so troublesome. Adverbs provide information about manner, direction, time, duration, or reason. They are focused on simple-and-flat adverbs of manner, which are often adverbs created from an adjective and the derivational suffix -ly (e.g., softly, happily, quickly). And there is some value in wanting to reduce your use of manner adverbs. If there is a verb that conveys both the action and the manner, the adverb is redundant and should be deleted. If the adverb doesn’t add meaning or clarity to the sentence, it’s imprecise and should be deleted.
sentence. This is especially true of sentences with intransitive verbs, which take no direct object. If you want to expand I ran, you need to add an adverb or adverbial. So a better way to phrase this advice is: Use adverbs when they add meaning and clarity; delete imprecise and redundant adverbs. Don't use comma splicesI discussed the effective use of the comma splice last fall, but I’ve seen pushback against the use of the commas splice come up again (probably because I’ve advocated for it as a stylistic tool). Yes, the comma splice is nonstandard and most grammar books, therefore, advise against it; but it has been used as a stylistic and rhetorical tool for hundreds of years. Need proof? Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cities opens with a paragraph of comma splices, and my 9th-grade English teacher loved that paragraph so much, she forced us all to memorize it and test us on it.
Finally, several reference books I own—including Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams and Joseph Bizup, Rhetorical Grammar by Martha Kolln and Loretta Gray, Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, The Copyeditor’s Handbook by Amy Einsohn and Marilyn Schwartz—and The Chicago Manual of Style’s “Fiction+” blog acknowledge the comma splice as an option in creative writing. Comma splices are most effective when:
Self-edit tips
Highlight all the adverbs and verbs in your sentence in two different colors. Analyze: Am I using a lot of the following verbs: linking be, have, make, go, do, get, or take? What kind of adverbs am I using? For comma splices: Many line editors, copyeditors, and proofreaders will automatically correct a comma splice even when it is a part of the author’s style, so the first thing you must do is determine how you use the comma splice, and whether or not you want it as part of your edited style. Ask a trusted reader or your editor to mark comma splices so you can analyze, assess, and revise.
This all helps you learn when you want to stet for style in the future. Stet means “let it stand,” and it’s what authors (and sometimes editors) do when they reject an edit on their manuscript because they think it changes the meaning, rhythm, or tone of a sentence. Make sure you mark anything you stet for style with a comment before you give it or return it to your editor for a final pass. What is a writing myth you've come across on social media? Comment below!Further Study3 ways to use comma splices effectively The Chicago Manual of Style Fiction+ hompage "Comma Splices and Run-on Sentences," The Chicago Manual of Style Fiction+ Using adverbs in fiction – clunk versus clarity “Showing versus telling” in Editing Fiction at Sentence Level by Louise Harnby Oh, the Splices You’ll See!
 14 novels edited
Unreleased & covers not currently available:
6 Novellas and Vellas edited
*Stripped Away and The Daring Adventures of Honoria Porter are ongoing. 15 short fiction pieces edited
Plus 12 other short fiction pieces! 3 trainings completed
Thank you!When I began my freelance editing business in 2020, I never dreamed I would have such consistent work! Thank you for giving me a sneak peek at all your stories this year. You are all so talented and impressive, and polishing your manuscripts is the most rewarding work I've done in my adult life. I can't wait to see what is in store for you all in 2023! Happy New Year! What’s discussed in this post
Farther vs. further
Farther is for literal or physical distance. She ran farther than me.
Therefore, the correct word to describe a character being “unaffected,” is unfazed. She was unfazed by his comment. Breech vs. breach
At thirty-seven weeks, the baby was in a breech position. The verb form of breach means to break open or break through. Therefore, breach is the correct homophone to use. They breached the border. Self-editing tipsWhen dealing with homophones and near-homophones, we need to look at both the words’ meanings and the context to determine which word to use. One way to do this is to highlight the word, right-click, and look up synonyms. If none of the synonyms match the meaning of the word, you're probably using the wrong homophone. However, in the case of further and farther, this way would not be reliable because the first definition of further is farther (English is so fun). So if you have MS Word, a second way to do this is to add the MerriamFetch macro. This is my favorite way to verify spelling and word choice because you can set it up with a keyboard shortcut so that Merriam-Webster is a keystroke away at all times. Here is where you can find the MerriamFetch macro by Paul Beverley. Lastly, if you know what homophones you confuse, make a reference chart! Further readingInstagram, @itssarahhawkinsedits, “Is it I have further to go or I have farther to go?”
The Chicago Manual of Style, “5.250 Good Usage versus common usage.” Editing Macros by Paul Beverley  What’s discussed in this post
IntroductionIn the last chapter of the Style Series: Grammar 101 post, we learned all about the 7 basic sentence patterns. These form the core of every sentence. Without them, you cannot have a complete, grammatical sentence, or an independent clause. But you may have noticed that your nouns, verbs, and predicates are more complex. Each part of the independent clause can be expanded, or added onto, to create complexity and interest. This is where phrases and clauses, and subordination and coordination come into play. The difference between a clause and a phraseWhen you look up "clause" and "phrase" in the dictionary, their definitions sound similar. Both are a group of words, but phrases only form a syntactical unit with a single grammatical function (ex. adverbial phrase), and clauses contain a subject and predicate. For example, let’s look at the following sentence: When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe. The independent clause is the barista scanned me (noun + transitive verb + direct object). But as you can see, I naturally made a complex sentence with two add-ons: When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe. The first part of the sentence is a clause because it has a subject (I) and a predicate (walked up to the counter). It can easily become a complete sentence by removing the introductory when. The final part of the sentence is a phrase because it has no verb but still forms a grammatical structure, an adverbial. What is CoordinationCoordination occurs when you expand your sentence by linking like grammatical structures with punctuation and/or conjunctions. There are three types of conjunctions:
Ex. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh. We’ll explore this sentence further as we review the types of coordination. Types of CoordinationThere are two main types of coordination: coordination within a sentence, and coordination between sentences.
indirect objects (noun phrases), and compound predicates (verb phrases). Let’s look at the intrasentence coordination in the example from above. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh. There is only one example intrasentence coordination in this sentence. The compound subject Milo and Greg uses the coordinating conjunction and to form a noun phrase. Below is the sentence recast to create a compound predicate: Milo and Greg danced and sang, and they were terrible at both, which made us laugh.
The first type of intersentence coordination uses the correlative conjunction Not only–but also to connect two independent clauses. Notice the Not only clause is an inverted sentence, where the verb comes before the noun, and a different emphasis and rhythm are created. You may have also misidentified this conjunction because but also is split up by they. While not only is always one unit, but also can be together or split up, depending on what you want to emphasize. See how the emphasis changes when new move the also:
The second type of intersentence coordination is ; however. However is an adverbial conjunction, and in its current position, it requires a semicolon to prevent a run-on sentence. Like correlative conjunctions, adverbial conjunctions have flexibility. They can move them throughout the sentence to change the emphasis. In most cases, you’ll want to enclose the adverbial conjunction with a pair of commas or a semicolon and a comma. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; they were, however, terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; they were terrible at both, however, and we all had a good laugh. The third type of intersentence coordination is the coordinating conjunction and. (If but wasn’t part of a correlative conjunction, it would be a coordinating conjunction too!) This is probably the simplest form of intersentence coordination, and the one writers, no matter their level of expertise, are most familiar with. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh. With some exceptions, a comma comes before the coordinating conjunction when it is connecting two complete sentences. Types of SubordinationYou create subordination through dependent (subordinate) clauses. These clauses begin with a subordinating conjunction and include a subject and predicate. There 8 types of subordinating conjunctions:
Types of Subordination There are three types of subordination: adverbial, adjectival, and nominal. But each of these types of subordination has subtypes. Adverbial clauses Like other adverbials, an adverbial clause modifies a verb phrase. They can be tricky to identify because adverbials are movable, so they can appear anywhere in the sentence, depending on what the author wants to emphasize. Therefore, a good clue that you’re working with an adverbial is that you can move it. I used an adverbial introductory clause in my coffeehouse sentence to tell the reader when the barista scanned me: When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe.
A variation of the adverbial clause is the elliptical clause, in which something is deleted. The elliptical clause is always introduced by either while or when. When you use the elliptical clause, the subject of the main clause is always the understood subject of the adverbial as well. Adjectival clauses Adjectival clauses, also known as relative clauses, are clauses that modify a noun phrase, which includes subjects, direct objects, indirect objects, subject complements, complements, and objects of prepositional phrases. They are introduced by a relative pronoun (that, who, or which) or a relative adverb (where, when, or why). Let’s add an adjectival clause to the barista sentence as an example: When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe. There is often more than one barista behind the counter, so by adding the adjectival clause to the sentence, we specify which barista scanned me. We also add a little suspense because of what the barista is doing when they scan me. It hints at their intention (to check me out), and it hints at what may come—some romcom meet-cute shenanigans. Sometimes adjectival clauses that start with which don’t refer to any specific noun, but instead refer to the whole main clause. These are called broad reference clauses. When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe, which thrilled me.
In the case of When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe, the adjectival clause provides identifying information and therefore no comma is necessary. Nominal clauses Nominal clauses are clauses that fill noun phrase positions. Essentially, if the clause functions as a noun, you have a nominal clause. Two of the most common types of nominal clauses are the nominalizer and the interrogative. A nominalizer is introduced by the relative pronoun that and fills the place of direct objects, subjects, or introduces indirect speech. I suspect that the barista liked what she saw. That the barista over steamed the milk proves she liked what she saw. She said that the barista scanned me from head to toe when I walked up to the counter.
The other type common type of nominal clause is introduced by an interrogative (who, what, when, where, why, which, or how), so I’m going to call it an interrogative nominal clause. I wondered why she was checking me out. Who I was going on a date with was kept secret. I didn’t know anything about how the rules of football work. My main question, why she was checking me out, can only be answered by the barista. While that can often be omitted in a nominalizer, the introductory interrogative word cannot be omitted from the clause. Exercise 3  Further ReadingChapter 4, “Coordination and Subordination” in Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects, 6th ed., by Martha Kolln and Lorette Gray
Pages 157–166, 180–185, 201–202, “Coordination and Subordination” in Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects, 6th ed., by Martha Kolln and Lorette Gray “What is a Subordinate Clause,” Grammar Girl blog and podcast Style Series, Grammar 101: The seven basic sentence patterns Style Series: What is a Writing Style  What’s discussed in this post
Commas with a direct address in dialogue
“Duke, you need to stop talking.” If the direct address comes in the middle of the sentence, the expression is set off by a pair of commas: “C’mon, Addy, let’s go to the park!” If the direct address comes at the end of the sentence, a comma goes before the expression: “Go home, Martin!” Commas with an indirect quotation within the question
1. A subordinate clause with a direct quotation – In this case, you'll put a comma between the subordinate clause What do you mean and the independent clause Lola ate all the cheese, and you’ll add single quotations around the independent clause. “What do you mean, ‘Lola ate all the cheese?’ ” she said. 2. A dependent clause followed by an indirect quotation – This utilizes the scheme of elision, which is when you omit or drop words that are easily understood by the reader. In this case, the omitted word is by. When you utilize elision, a comma replaces the omitted word. “What do you mean by Lola ate all the cheese?” she said. “What do you mean, Lola ate all the cheese?” she said. In either case, commas are needed between the subordinate interrogative What do you mean and the independent clause. Which style is up to you, but aesthetics should be a consideration. In the manuscripts I edited, I chose the indirect-quotation style because the direct-quotation style looked busy. Commas with relative clausesRelative clauses are dependent clauses that begin with relative pronouns. Who, which, what, and that are the most commonly used relative pronouns. Whether or not you need to set off a relative clause with a comma depends on whether the clause is restrictive or nonrestrictive. Restrictive clauses include information that is essential to the meaning of the sentence. They should not be set off with a comma or pair of commas. The woman who lives upstairs needs to soundproof her bedroom a little more. Nonrestrictive clauses include information that is not essential to the meaning of the sentence. They should be set off with a comma or pair of commas. Janet, who is my upstairs neighbor, needs to soundproof her bedroom a little more. Self-editing tips
Is it identifying? Then it is restrictive. Do not set it off with a comma. Is it commenting? Then it is nonrestrictive and should be set off with a comma or pair of commas. Many proofreading and editing softwares will pick up on vocative expressions and introductory subordinate clauses and will suggest a comma or pair of commas, so use those to your advantage. Always keep in mind that a comma is required between an introductory subordinate (dependent) clause and an independent clause, and vocative expressions should always be set off with a comma or pair of commas. Otherwise, your reader will trip over the sentence, and they’ll be pulled out of the manuscript. Further readingThe Chicago Manual of Style 5.56: Relative pronouns defined
The Chicago Manual of Style 6.24: Commas with introductory dependent clauses The Chicago Manual of Style 6.53: Commas with direct address The Chicago Manual of Style 6.54: Commas to indicate elision Comma Table Comma Series  What's covered in this post
IntroductionYou need a good foundation in grammar to curate and intentionally use your style. So, we are embarking on the Grammar 101 section of the Style Series. This week we’re going to learn all about the 7 basic sentence patterns. Be patterns Be patterns involve any verbs derived from the infinitive “to be.” They include is, am, are, were, was, been, and being. Being Verbs have a bad reputation as weak verbs, but when used correctly, they can be powerful. There are two basic sentence patterns that use being verbs:  In the first pattern, the being verb is followed by an adverbial . An adverbial is any structure that modifies a verb. But in this pattern, it is usually an adverbial of time or place, or answers the questions When? or Where? Example: She is in the chair. She + is + in the chair = Subject + Be + Place Adverbial (where) In the second pattern, the being verb is followed by a subject complement, which is either an adjective or a noun phrase called a referent. Referents rename the subject while adjectives describe the subject. Examples: The playroom is a mess. The playroom + is + a mess = Subject + Be + Referent The playroom is messy. The playroom + is + messy. = Subject + Be + Adjective Linking verb patternLinking verbs are all verbs other than “to be” that are completed by a subject complement, such as taste, smell, feel, become, remain, look, appear, seem, and prove. There is only one basic sentence pattern that utilizes linking verbs:  But the linking verbs still serve different functions. The sensory-based linking verbs (taste, smell, etc.) usually link the subject to an adjective. Example: This book smells amazing. This book + smells + amazing = Subject + Linking Verb + Adjective Other linking verbs, such as become and remain, link a noun to a referent. Example: This house remains a mess. This house + remains + a mess = Subject + Linking Verb + Referent Intransitive verb patternAn intransitive verb is an action verb (also considered a “strong” verb) that doesn’t take a direct object, such as ran, jump, laugh, and bark. Therefore, the intransitive verb pattern is the simplest pattern.  Example: The T-rex ran. The T-rex + ran = Subject + Intransitive Verb Transitive verb patternsLike intransitive verbs, transitive verbs are action verbs. But transitive verbs take a direct object, which is a noun phrase that answers the question of What? or Whom? There are three basic sentence patterns that use transitive verbs:  In the first pattern, the transitive verb and direct object complete each other. You don’t need anything else to understand the core sentence. Example: We eat pizza. We + eat + pizza = Subject + Transitive Verb + Direct Object In the second pattern, an indirect object completes the meaning of the sentence. An indirect object refers to whatever receives the direct object, or whomever the action is performed for. Example: TikTok gave many writers a community. TikTok + gave + many writers + a community = Subject + Transitive Verb + Indirect Object + Direct Object In the third pattern, an object complement follows the direct object. Like a subject complement, an object complement is a noun or phrase. But an object complement describes the direct object. Example: My son calls quesadillas piñatas. My son + calls + quesadillas + piñatas = Subject + Transitive Verb + Direct Object + Object Complement Exercise 2: Identifying Your Sentence Patterns  What's covered in this post
What is writing style?
This is because Writing Style has more to do with rhetoric than grammar. Rhetoric is how an author uses diction, sentence structure, punctuation, and sentence and paragraph arrangement to convey emotion, evoke empathy, form a logical path of thought, and create narrators and characters that readers will trust. The 4 Elements of StyleWhile an author’s style may vary from project to project, it will remain consistent and recognizable overall. An author creates their writing style through the following elements: (1) Sentence length and complexity is the most basic aspect of style, in that it is the most recognizable. When you open a book or look at your writing, you can tell at a glance whether you use shorter or longer sentences, and simple or more complex sentences. The punctuation gives it away. More commas, dashes, parentheses, and semicolons are an indication you use longer, more complex sentences. You'll see a lot of ending punctuation marks (periods, exclamation points, question marks) if you use shorter, more simple sentences. You're going to have a variety of both, but you will notice that you're more likely to use a complex over a simple sentence.
(3) Word choice focuses not only on the connotation and denotation but also on the word size and how you create compounds. (4) Favorite figures of speech (schemes and tropes) are how you add embellishment and decorate your prose, although that is not their sole function. Schemes involve the transference of word order, and tropes involve the transference of meaning. We'll be discussing the different types of schemes and tropes later in this series, but some examples of schemes include polysyndeton (many conjunctions), parallelism, and elision. Some examples of tropes are: metaphor, puns, and personification. 4 Factors that affect Style While the above four elements remain consistent overall and therefore recognizable, your Writing Style varies from project to project through the following four factors:
Exercise 1: Sentence length and complexity  What's discussed in this post
What is a comma splice?A comma splice occurs when two grammatically correct and complete sentences (independent clauses) are joined (or spliced together) by a comma. Here it is in a formula: Comma splice = [Independent clause] , [Independent clause]. Example: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . . (From A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens) Is a comma splice ever correct?Comma splices are considered nonstandard, but CMOS Fiction+ Shop Talk writer Russell Harper and the infamous The Elements of Style authors Strunk & White both point out that a comma splice isn’t always an error. It’s an option, but it should only be used when it is the best option. How do you know if it’s the best option? That depends on context, tone, and intended emphasis. In general, a comma splice is an option when:
Since comma splices can be viewed as an error by discerning readers, it needs to be used sparingly and with obvious intention. Below, we are going to talk about three ways to use a comma splice intentionally through asyndeton. Asyndeton and comma splicesAsyndeton is a scheme of omission in which you leave out, or omit, conjunctions between coordinate words, phrases, and clauses. Often, you use a comma to indicate the elision, which is allowable per CMOS 6.54 (“Commas to indicate elision”). When you utilize asyndeton between independent clauses, you create comma splices. Asyndeton between independent clauses is most effective you need to create a hurried rhythm, show dichotomy, or show an emotional reaction. Comma splices to create a hurried rhythmHere’s a famous sentence popularly attributed to Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. This sentence checks most of the boxes in the guidelines outlined above: The sentences are short and closely related, they have parallel structure, but since we don’t have context, the tone is vague. The lack of conjunctions here allows us to say the entire sentence in one, short breath, which gives us the impression that not only was Caesar successful, but the three actions were done in such quick succession and with such ease that he didn’t even break a sweat. A less experienced (or less brave) editor would edit this sentence according to current standards and conventions, but we would lose a lot of the meaning. I came; I saw; I conquered. I came. I saw. I conquered. I came, I saw, and I conquered. The semicolons and periods (also known as hard stops) still create a hurried rhythm, but there is too much breath, too much distance between the actions. They also read a little sarcastic in tone, like the speaker is annoyed and talking down to the listener. The conventional use of “and,” doesn’t have this tone, but the hurried rhythm is lost. In all three conventionally combined sentences, the three actions feel more laborious. He broke a sweat completing all three tasks. This balance between tone, rhythm, and convention is something I had to consider recently. My client Stephanie K. Clemens uses comma splices to create asyndeton in Stripped Away, her political fantasy Kindle Vella, to create a hurried rhythm:
The break in parallel structure with the third clause, nothing happened, also serves the sentence. Breaking the repeating structure creates a tone of relief and confusion, which is precisely how Kennara feels. Since simultaneity and tone are essential to the meaning of the sentence, I kept the comma splices/asyndeton, explained why in a comment, and told Stephanie how awesome she is. Comma splices to show a dichotomyDichotomy is “a division between two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entites.” The most famous display of comma splices and dichotomy is the first paragraph in A Tale of Two Cities: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way . . .
It grounds the reader in the historical setting of 1775, it’s setting up the main conflict of the book between the aristocratic class and the impoverished. The string of comma splices weaves together these two goals, showing how tangled the conflicts and setting are. If we separate the clauses and recast them conventionally, we lose the entanglement of conflicts and worlds. My client Jesse Harvey used comma splices and dichotomy recent in her book, Uthraith Tauristar: Book Two of The Dark Stellar Legacy:
The first sentence utilizes a compound predicate, which highlights subject complement inseparable and the verb phrase forever entwined. Anything other than a simple and would disrupt the closeness of that relationship between the two worlds. The second sentence continues describing this relationship. And it stands out. Never touching, always together has both fragments and a comma splice. The two fragments contradict, just like the worlds contradict—they are the tangible world, and an invisible world called the aether—and the comma splice serves as a bridge between the dichotomic relationship and existence. It also sets up the last two sentences, which show the two characters' relationship to these worlds. We finally get two short, simple sentences that are repetitive. A comma splice would've been an option here if it weren't for the context. But separating the two subject compliments into two sentences adds the forceful staccato tone Jesse was going for in this training scene, and it also sets up the two roles the characters play between the two worlds. If I had edited the comma splice in the second sentence to a more conventional method, we would've not only lost the meaning in the second sentence but also the meanings in the rhythms of the surrounding sentences. Super cool, right? Comma splices to create an emotional reactionWe talked a little about this with the example from Stephanie K. Clemen’s Stripped Away: The combination of the comma splice and structural change in the last clause created a sense of relief for the POV character Kennara. My client Arabella K. Federico also used the rhythm of a comma splice to show an emotional reaction in her character Kara in The Mark of Chaos and Creation:
The tone is informal—these are Kara's thoughts, only heard by her and the reader—and the clauses also hit the marks of being intimately related, short, and there's even some repetition of sounds in the interjections (the repetition of S in Sure, I suppose) and in the prepositional phrases (at some point, in some way), which tie the clauses even closer together. The comma splices here serve to show the winding thoughts of Kara in an introspective moment. They create a soft tone, which contrasts headstrong and intense, and feel almost lonely. It also highlights one of the main struggles Kara has throughout the book: the longing to belong and the constant feeling of being left out. It just breaks your heart, doesn’t it? If I edited this conventionally, the tone would’ve shifted dramatically: Sure, I can be headstrong and intense sometimes. I suppose. But it’s like at some point, in some way, everyone leaves me. With the conventional structure, we get more of a pointed staccato, which conveys some incredulity of the judgment that Kara's headstrong and intense sometimes. That’s not what Arabella wanted to convey. Kara already believes these two things are true. The doubt Kara has is whether she is capable of being loved unconditionally. So, we’ve lost that expression of her core belief and true doubt. We’ve also lost the winding rhythm and the softness, which adds to the loneliness and doubt Kara feels and allows the reader to feel them with her. Sometimes nonconventional sentences are the best sentences. Another excellent way to show an emotional reaction with a comma splice is to break the rhythm of a sentence. Unfortunately, I don't currently have an example for this, so if you find out, let me know! Stylistic ConsiderationsEven for the savviest readers, comma splices can be jarring, and they can look like an error to more casual readers, so it is understandable if you’d prefer to avoid them in your writing style. But I wouldn’t discount them completely. Comma splices are voicey and add character to dialogue and narration. Therefore, you may also stipulate that comma splices are only allowable for certain characters, or in dialogue, thought, or free indirect discourse. Whatever the case, make sure you tell your editor your comma splice preferences; they’ll know the best way to edit out the asyndeton while maintaining as much rhythm and meaning as possible. Further Reading
 What's discussed in this post
IntroductionWelcome to Editor’s roundup, a monthly post of common edits I’ve made in the last month. This month, we’re discussing 3 compounds that authors commonly mix up, and I’ll give you some tips on how to self-edit for word compounds.
Door frame or doorframe?We’ll start with an easy one. Often, I see authors split doorframe into 2 words, and I’ve even caught myself splitting the compound in my own writing! Merriam-Webster says doorframe is the correct spelling, so I looked into why we have a tendency to split the word. According to the Google Books Ngram Viewer, which checks how words and phrases are used over time, doorframe became the more common spelling in the 2010s. The use of door frame tapered off in 2013, and the use of doorframe peaked in 2017. While door frame is still in use, a quick google search for entries of door frame yields results for doorframe in Merriam-Webster, Cambridge, Dictionary.com, and others, so I would stick to the one-word version. On to or onto?One of the fun things about being an editor is that I second-guess every grammatical rule I know, and then I end up down the rabbit hole. Along with lay vs. lie conjugations, I research onto vs. on to regularly, because if you mix them up, you can change the meaning of your sentence. To know whether you need to use onto or on to, you need to know 4 things. 1.The first thing to know is that the confusion with onto and on to we’re discussing here lies with using onto and on to as prepositions of direction. 2.The second thing to know is that when you use on to, you’re actually using two distinct prepositions of direction: on and to. So, you need to look at these two words individually to see if they both fit the context.
Therefore, you’d only use the prepositions on and to together when you’re describing an object moving toward a destination and into a position. Often, you’re working with a verbal phrase (moved on) and–or an infinitive phrase (to become) when you use on to. She went on to become a bestselling author. (The object she moved toward and into the position of becoming a bestselling author.) They led them on to the upper landing. (The object them was led toward the position of the upper landing.) She moved on to her next lover so fast. (The object she moved toward and into the position of a new lover.) 3.
4.The fourth thing to know is that onto and on are interchangeable. So, a good trick to know if you should onto instead of on to is to drop the to. If you drop to without any meaning changing, you can use onto. I set my phone onto the charger and I set my phone on the charger mean the same thing, but I set my phone on the charger sounds better. Compounds beginning with halfHalf can precede verbs, nouns, and adjectives to create compound words. Those grammatical functions determine whether the compound is one word or two. According to The Chicago Manual of Style, the following general rules apply:
There are two major exceptions to these rules:
Self-editing tipsEditing for word compounds can be tricky. Spellcheck will often not recognize if a compound should be two words, one word, or hyphenated. Using a grammar check like Grammarly (although I think you need the premium version) or ProWritingAid can help you eliminate a lot of needless two-word compounds. Additionally, if you edit in Word, you can install a macro that will enable to you look up the word in Merriam-Webster with a couple of clicks. Here are some final tips:
Finally, as you learn which compounds you tend to mix up, make a Find+Replace list for future reference. Further readingGoogle Books Ngram View: doorframe and door frame
Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, s.v. “onto,” accessed September 25, 2022, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/onto. The Chicago Manual of Style 7.89 “Using word macros for editing,” Rabbit with a Red Pen |
AuthorSarah Hawkins is a geek for the written word. She's an author and freelance editor who seeks to promote and uplift the authors around her. FYIAmazon links are affiliate links.
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