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Cohesion: How to meet reader expectation at the sentence level

9/29/2023

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9 min read

What's discussed in this post

  • What is cohesion and why is it important?
  • The known-new contract
  • Repetition
  • Parallelism
  • Quick tips
  • Further study

What is cohesion and why is it important?

Cohesion refers to how sentences connect to create a natural flow and a unified whole. Cohesion is all about reader expectation. Reader expectation is set through the opening sentence, and reader expectation is met by making every subsequent sentence in that paragraph the result of that opening sentence as well as the preceding sentence, paragraph, etc.
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When reader expectation is not met, the narrative may read awkwardly, causing the reader’s concentration to break briefly or the reader to backtrack to glean meaning out of what they just read. This disrupts the reader’s immersion and gives them the opportunity to put down your book!

This guide explains how to meet reader expectation at the sentence level with the known-new contract, repetition, and parallelism, so you can revise your sentences for cohesion with confidence. ​

The known-new contract

Out of the 3 techniques used to create cohesion, the known-new contract is the most important because it’s how the reader learns new information: by connecting it to what they already know. If you struggle with meeting the known-new contract, your sentences may provide new information consecutively, creating a choppy, disconnected flow.
 
To understand this concept, we need to go over how sentences present information:
 
  • Sentences begin with information the reader already knows, either from their general knowledge or what they just read.
  • Sentences end with the reason for the sentence: to tell the reader something new, something they cannot anticipate.
 
Starting with a simpler concept of what the reader already knows de-emphasizes it and allows the reader to focus and understand the new information. The new information should be presented in the predicate, where the natural emphasis is, because it allows the reader to retain more complex information and carry it onto the next sentence.

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​Let’s look at an example from For the Love of Hot Cocoa by Stephanie Clemens that highlights cohesion within and between sentences using the known-new contract:
 
Ember finding her way home yesterday was such a relief it made today feel brighter. Humming a winter song, she hopped into the cart with a little extra spring in her step.
This sentence couplet comes in the scene right after the protagonist, Icelyn’s pet mini-dragon (Ember) had gone missing, sending Icelyn into a depressed panic. Since the reader would already have that in the foreground of their mind, Clemens begins the sentence with Ember finding her way home yesterday and ends with how Icelyn feels today about it, was such a relief it made today feel brighter, which is new information to the reader. In this case, the known-new contract also has a cause-effect structure. Clemens uses cause-effect to connect the first sentence to the second. The effect of Icelyn Humming a winter tune isn’t new information because it is caused by and exemplifies Icelyn’s relief making the day feel brighter, and those emotions are pulled through and motivate Icelyn’s actions in the rest of the sentence.

​Repetition

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Repetition, also known as lexical cohesion, includes the repetition of words and phrases from one sentence to another as well as the use of synonyms and related words. 
This may seem like a promotion for redundancy, but there’s a major difference between redundancy created through repetition and repetition as lexical cohesion. When repetition is used as a cohesive tool, it acts as a link between sentences. It’s the known in the known-new contract, allowing the reader to focus on the new information, the purpose of the sentence. Repetition only becomes redundant when it has no purpose.

Additionally, as stated above, lexical cohesion isn’t only the repetition of words and phrases; it includes the use of synonyms and related words, such as pronouns. Using pronouns is one of the easiest ways to create lexical cohesion because the subject or direct object of one sentence can be the subject of the next, yet they still add variety.

Here’s an example of lexical cohesion using pronouns from my work-in-progress, Girls to the Front:

We set down the desk in the main room, and I greet Nana. She sits in her usual house dress on the living room couch, watching Murder, She Wrote reruns.

The direct object of the sentence I greet Nana sets the reader’s expectation to see Nana in the next sentence. Since Nana is in the foreground of the reader’s consciousness, the use of the pronoun she links two sentences together naturally, and the reader’s expectations are met.

A more advanced way to create lexical cohesion is to use a scheme of repetition. A scheme is a structure used to convey meaning. Schemes of repetition include isocolon, anaphora, alliteration, assonance, epistrophe, epanalepsis, anadiplosis, antimetabole, and polyptoton. (I’m going to talk about these in a future post. Stay tuned!)

​Parallelism

Parallelism is one of the basic principles of grammar, but it is also a type of scheme. It is created by using a co-ordinate structure with a pair or series of related words, phrases, or clauses. So, nouns are paired with nouns, prepositions are paired with prepositions, etc.
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​Parallelism becomes a cohesive device when it’s used to connect sentences and paragraphs by creating an echo structure across them. When you echo a structure from one sentence to another (or one paragraph to another), you remind the reader what should be in the foreground of their mind. This adds intensity and drama.
 
Here’s an example from Girls to the Front:
Over the last few years, the church transformed the old school gym into an all-in-one kids entertainment center, with a set of trampolines, a video game setup, and an enclosed, padded play area (for the littlest kids) on the left; and an obstacle course made of ropes, beams, and climbing structures on the right.
 
Here, I use parallel structures to concisely describe a setting. A set of trampolines, a video game setup, and an enclosed, padded area (for the littlest kids) and an obstacle course made of ropes, beams, and climbing structures both consist of three parallel noun phrases. The parallel prepositional phrases on the left and on the right connect the two descriptions to create one image.
 
Finally, parallelism can also be used in the scheme antithesis, which is a comparison of contrasting ideas. An example of parallelism used in antithesis is Neil Armstrong’s famous “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Quick tips

Here are some quick tips based on what we’ve learned in this post:
  • Always keep the reader in mind when you’re revising by always asking the question: Is this what the reader would expect to come next?
  • Begin your sentence with what the reader already knows and end it with new information.
  • Begin your sentence with simple information and end it with more complex information.
  • Repeat subjects with related words and synonyms to create easy lexical cohesion while adding variety.
  • Repeat direct objects by putting them in the subject position of the next sentence to easily link the two together.
  • Use parallelism to pair and echo structures to link information and remind the reader what is important.

​Further study

Style and Statement by Edward P.J. Corbett and Robert J. Connors
Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects by Martha Kolln and Loretta Gray
Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams and Joseph Bizup

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The Ultimate Guide to Colons (:)

8/11/2023

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8 Min Read

What's discussed in this post

Introduction
Basic functions
Basic function 1: to introduce a series or list
Basic function 2: to separate numeric terms
Basic function 3: to separate a title and subtitle
Basic function 4: to introduce a quotation, or to separate a formal greeting from the message
Stylistic Functions
Stylistic Function 1: to create an informal tone
Stylistic Function 2: to illustrate or add emphasis
Stylistic Function 2: to add sizzle
Other editorial considerations
Colons and capitalization
Colons and other punctuation
Further study

​Introduction

It is my personal opinion that colons are the most underrated punctuation mark. Many authors avoid using it, probably because of how it was introduced in grade-school English class: with limited functionality and formal tone, so it seems incompatible with fiction writing, which generally has an informal tone.

But the colon can be used effectively in fiction writing to create an informal tone and drama. This guide is meant to help you understand the colon’s basic and stylistic functions, as well as the editorial considerations regarding the colon, such as capitalizing, typeface, and other punctuation, so that you can use it with confidence as part of your writing stylekit.

Basic functions​ 

Here is an overview of the basic functions of the punctuation, the colon.

​Basic function 1: to introduce a series or list

A colon (:) is used to introduce a series or list. The introductory clause before a colon must be an independent clause (complete sentence) and can include phrases such as “the following,” and “as follows.” The list or series the colon introduces can consist of words, phrases, and clauses (even independent ones).

Basic function 2: to separate numeric terms

​A colon is used to separate the following numeric terms:
  • Specific time (9:31 a.m.)
  • Time elapsed (She swam the 50 free in 28:21.18.)
  • Books and verses of the Bible (John 3:16)
  • Legal citations (Municipal code 6:413)
  • Ratios (2:1 for 2-to-1)

Basic function 3: to separate a title and subtitle

In running text and other citations, a colon is used between the main title of a book and its subtitle (The Best Punctation Book, Period: A Comprehensive Guide for Every Writer, Editor, Student, Businessperson).

Basic function 4: to introduce a quotation, or to separate a formal greeting from the message

A colon is commonly used to introduce quotations following a complete sentence, especially if the quotation is a block quotation. 
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A colon can also be used after a formal greeting within an email, letter, or other missive (Dear Mr. Darcy:).

Stylistic functions

Colons can also be used stylistically to create an informal tone and add drama. Use these stylistic functions sparingly in your fiction writing: if they are used too often, they will lose their effect!

Stylistic function 1: to create an informal tone

Some of the colon’s basic functions can be used to create an informal tone in the following ways:
  • A fragment can introduce a series or list (think of a pros and cons list)
  • A colon can introduce an independent clause following a list as part of an inverted sentence (although an em dash is more standard here)
  • A colon can be used to introduce text messages, or to create an emphasis between narration and dialogue.
  • Use a colon to illustrate a sarcastically formal greeting in dialogue.

Stylistic function 2: to illustrate or add emphasis

A colon (:) can be used between two independent clauses in the same way a semicolon (;) is. In fact, sometimes they are interchangeable, but it’s important to note that while a semicolon represents the coordinating conjunction “and,” the colon represents the subordinating conjunction of “because.” Therefore, the clause that follows the colon should answer, amplify, or illustrate what precedes the colon.

Stylistic Function 3: to add sizzle

To understand this stylistic function of the colon, we must first go over the type of pause the colon creates and what punctuation signal the colon represents when it’s used between two clauses. The easiest way to do this is to compare it to the semicolon (;). Like the semicolon, the colon creates a pause that’s somewhere between the quick breath of a comma and the full stop of an ending punctuation mark (period, question mark, and exclamation point). But a colon represents a different type of signal than a semicolon. While a semicolon represents the flashing red signal of “and,” a colon represents a flashing yellow signal of “proceed.”

In other words, the colon prepares the reader’s mind for something that is coming. It creates anticipation, expectation, and excitement. It creates sizzle.

This function is most commonly used when a colon connects two independent clauses. But it also allows you to use the colon to add drama while introducing a dependent clause. Just make sure the dependent clause elaborates on the statement in the introductory clause!

​Other editorial considerations

This section offers a brief overview of the editorial considerations you must be aware of when you incorporate colons into your writing.

​Colons and capitalization

Whether or not to capitalize what comes after a colon is based on syntax:
  • If the text before the colon is not a complete sentence, the text after a colon should be lowercase (with the exceptions of dialogue, quotations, and a proper noun). Pros: flexible hours, open office, hot receptionist.
  • If the text before the colon is a single, complete sentence, but what comes after the colon is not a complete sentence, then it should not be capitalized (with the exceptions of dialogue, quotations, and a proper noun). She filled her cart with items on her grocery list: 3 pints of Eagles ice cream, scotch, and Splenda.
  • If the text before the colon is a complete sentence and the colon introduces multiple complete sentences, then the text after the colon should be capitalized. The weather was perfect for a beach day: It was sunny. It was hot, but it wasn’t humid.
  • If the text before a colon is a complete sentence and the text after a colon is a complete sentence that could be separated from the first without changing any meaning, the text following the colon should be lowercase. This is called “book style,” and it differs from the capitalization of a series of sentences because the sentence after the colon is considered still the same sentence as the sentence before the colon.

​Colons and other punctuation

The colon can be used in conjunction with parenthesis, quotation marks, exclamation points, and question marks:
  • You can use a colon after a closing parenthesis. She looked good (almost divine): he couldn’t help himself.
  • When a quotation is not dialogue, a colon only comes after the closing quotation mark. She looked too “good”: he couldn’t help himself.
  • You can use a colon to introduce dialogue. He couldn’t help but say: “You look too good.”
  • A colon can only be used with question marks and exclamation points when they are part of a proper title. In this case, the colon follows the question mark or quotation mark. Here’s how he responded to How the Grinch Stole Christmas!: tears, cries, and boredom.

Further study

The Copyeditor’s Handbook, 4th edition, Pg. 128
The Chicago Manual of Style, 17th edition, 6.61–6.67
The Best Punctuation Book, Period, Chapter 4: Colon
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Updated policies active as of July 1, 2023

7/1/2023

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​As of July 1, 2023, Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio’s policies regarding rescheduling, cancellation,  refunds, and editing rounds have been updated.

Rescheduling policy

Should an author need to reschedule the start date for services, the author will notify Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio at least one (1) month before the start date. To secure a new start date, the author shall pay a non-refundable rescheduling deposit of 20% of the remaining cost, up to $200. This deposit retains the author’s new start date on the editor’s schedule.

Cancellation policy

Should an author wish to terminate their agreement before the services are completed, the author will compensate Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio for services rendered, plus a non-refundable cancellation fee of 20% of the remaining cost, up to $200.

Refund policy

While editing and proofreading will give you a greater chance of success, purchasing a service through Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio is NOT a guarantee of publication, representation, favorable reviews, website traffic, manuscript requests, or book sales.

The goal of Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio is to provide a satisfactory service for all clients; however, errors may remain in a manuscript after an edit, and accuracy declines when provided an error-riddled manuscript. The editor’s goal is to catch 80 percent of errors while keeping the authorial style and characters’ voices intact. (see Sources below for information regarding error rates in editing)

The editor recommends at least one (1) round of copyediting and proofreading by second trusted person to ensure the lowest number of errors prior to publication.

If an author determines the services provided did not fit their particular editing needs or were not performed up to the author’s standards, they shall notify the editor about their concerns within thirty (30) days of the author’s receipt of the manuscript delivery or final invoice payment. The editor will make every attempt to address any concerns or identified issues at no cost to the author, and the author will provide any additional information the editor may need to complete their review. The editor will only consider a partial refund of 20% of the total cost, up to $200, when those issues cannot be resolved.

Editing Rounds

After the author responds to suggested queries, the author may send the edited manuscript back to the editor for a second editing round. The author has two rounds available per Agreement, and a round consists of one (1) to three (3) editing passes.*

*This is a change from the previous policy of two rounds after the edited manuscript is initially delivered to the author.
​

Where to find my policies​​

All of Sarah Hawkins Editorial’s Policies can be found on the Policies page, and they are also outlined in the Editing Agreement provided to potential authors. You may review a copy of the Editing Agreement here. I recommend any author considering collaboration review the Editing Agreement and complete a free 500-word editing sample before signing the Agreement.
Exceptions to these policies will be determined on a case-by-case basis.

Sources

Sarah Hawkins Editorial Studio's goal of 80 percent accuracy rating was determined  through the review of the following sources:

According to The Copyeditor’s Handbook, “… 95 percent accuracy is the best a human can do. To pass the certification test administered by Editors Canada, an applicant must score approximately 80 percent or higher. And, as experienced editors know, accuracy declines in an error-riddled manuscript.”

In her blog post “6 Myths about Editing,” Crystal at Rabbit with a Red Pen reiterates that 80 percent accuracy of editors.

However, please note that on the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading's Website, they state: "Having said that copyeditors can’t make text perfect, it is important that they work to a high standard. Some people will assert that copyeditors should catch a certain percentage of errors, but we don’t believe this is helpful – because of the subjective nature of errors, and also because the copyeditor will be working within other constraints. Excellent work depends not only on the skill of the copyeditor but on the budget and schedule being adequate for the job.

Rather than using percentages to express an acceptable (or unacceptable) error rate, it’s better to think in terms of the copyeditor making the text fit for purpose within the limits of their brief. There should be consistency and clarity, and no barriers to the reader understanding the meaning of the text."
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Grammar 101: Adverbs and Adverbials

3/10/2023

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What's discussed in this post

  • ​Introduction: powerful adverbials
  • What is an adverbial?
  • The 5 types of adverbials
  • Adverbial degrees
  • Placement of adverbials
  • Signs of ineffective adverbials
  • Exercise 4
  • Further Study

Introduction: powerful adverbials

“Easily improve your writing by doing this one thing: delete adverbs.”

This is one of the most common pieces of writing advice I see on social media, and I hate it. It’s horrible advice because it’s vague, broad, and a bit moralistic (it sets up those who use adverbs as “bad writers” and those who don’t as “good writers”).
You’re not a bad writer if you use adverbs.

In fact, even those writers who take that advice to page probably still use them. Adverbials are indeed one of the most powerful tools in a writer’s style kit because they’re so versatile. Not only are there 5 types of adverbials, but each type is movable. This means a writer can play with the position of adverbials until they find the right emphasis, rhythm, and tone for the message they want to convey.

What is an adverbial?

Before we learn how to harness the power of adverbials, we need to be able to recognize them. In general, an adverbial is a word, phrase, or clause that modifies anything but nouns. That means adverbs can modify a verb, adjective, adverb, independent clause, preposition, and conjunction. They answer the questions of when (time), where (place), how (manner), why 
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(reason), and how often (frequency). Although they are considered a part of the predicate, they can appear nearly anywhere in the sentence.

The 5 types of adverbials

The five main types of adverbs are:
  1. Simple & flat adverbs are single-word modifiers. While simple adverbs exist in the same form as nouns, verbs, or adjectives, flat adverbs are formed by adding -ly to an adjective or participle.
  2. Prepositional phrases are a group of words that begin with a preposition and form a single modifier. They provide direction, place, time, duration, manner, and cause.
  3. 1.Noun phrases are a group of words that resemble a noun. These are tricky to identify because they can look like the object of a preposition (with the preposition missing) or a direct object for intransitive verbs—which take no direct object. A trick to determine that you’re looking at an adverbial noun phrase is if the noun phrase answers the questions when, where, or how.
  4. Verb phrases are infinitive phrases used as modifiers.
  5. Dependent (subordinate) clauses begin with a subordinating conjunction and have a subject and predicate.

​Adverbial degrees

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There are three adverbial degrees: positive, comparative, and superlative.

Positive adverbs express a quality without referencing anything else.

Comparative adverbs compare the quality of a specified action done by two persons, groups, or things.
Superlative adverbs compare the quality of an action between at least three persons, groups, or things. Superlative adverbs are sometimes used for emphasis rather than comparison.

Placement of adverbials

The placement of an adverbial can change the emphasis, tone, and meaning of the sentence, so it’s important that you exactly what you want to convey. Generally, you want to place the adverb as near to what it’s modifying as possible to prevent a misreading.
Introductory adverbials occur before the main clause. They can set the scene, create cohesion by connecting sentences with known information, orient the reader in time and place, and modify the tone of the whole sentence.
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When I walked into the parlor, she sat on the settee.
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Middle adverbials show up within or directly around the verb phrase. They put stress on the verb, but they can also interrupt the flow of the sentence and can slow the reader down. The normal placement of simple and flat adverbs is here, between the auxiliary and principal verbs or following a principal verb. Adverbs that modify words other than verbs should immediately precede the word qualified.

She hastily sat on the settee.

Ending adverbials are placed after the main clause. They put stress on the adverbial. If the adverbial provides new information, it should be placed here. Adverbs generally follow intransitive verbs.

She was sitting on the settee when I walked into the parlor.

​Signs of ineffective adverbials

Now that we’ve gone through the types, degrees, and placement of adverbials, here are some signs an adverbial is ineffective:
  • The adverbial tells us what we already know.
  • The adverbial is imprecise.
  • The adverbial is in the wrong spot.​
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  • The adverbial is separated from the sentence, creating a fragment.
Basically, if an adverbial is not enriching the reader’s imagining of a sentence, it’s probably ineffective. An effective adverbial adds mood, tone, meaning, and nuance to a sentence.

​​Exercise 4

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Further study

The Chicago Manual of Style 5.156–5.171
3 writing myths debunked
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3 Writing Myths Debunked

2/28/2023

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8 min read

What's discussed in this post

  • Show, don't tell
  • Delete your adverbs
  • Don't use comma splices
  • Self-edit tips

Show, don't tell

This writing rule is also framed as “show versus tell,” but both versions fall short in teaching effective storytelling because effective storytelling shows and tells.

Whether you want to show or tell in a scene depends on what you want readers to know and where you want readers to focus. It’s about balancing 
Two dialogue boxes, one that says
​detail in the narrative distance and directing the reader’s focus.
Since telling is often framed as bad writing, here are some criteria for using telling effectively:
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  1. An effective tell uses precise diction to set the tone and pacing of the scene.
  2. An effective tell has emotional depth and immediacy even though the narrative distance is more observational and objective.
  3. An effective tell helps you avoid repetition.
  4. An effective tell allows you to provide essential information, such as backstory or worldbuilding, succinctly.
  5. An effective tell keeps your reader focused on what matters.

Delete your adverbs

No, please, don’t.

This is one of the rules used to teach writers how to write with stronger verbs, but like the “show, don’t tell” rule, the issue is that it’s not nuanced. First off, it does not specify what type of adverb—simple, flat, phrasal, or compound. Second, it doesn't
Five streaks in blue, orange, pink, green, and yellow, that surround the quote,
acknowledge the type of information they find so troublesome. Adverbs provide information about manner, direction, time, duration, or reason.
They are focused on simple-and-flat adverbs of manner, which are often adverbs created from an adjective and the derivational suffix -ly (e.g., softly, happily, quickly). And there is some value in wanting to reduce your use of manner adverbs. If there is a verb that conveys both the action and the manner, the adverb is redundant and should be deleted. If the adverb doesn’t add meaning or clarity to the sentence, it’s imprecise and should be deleted.
Two dialogue bubbles, one labeled fiction the other labeled reality. The fiction is
But sometimes the adverb is the best choice. What this advice forgets is that adverbs are the most versatile tool in a writer’s style kit. They’re movable, so you can use them to create different rhythms, emphases, tones, and focuses. Often, they provide essential information to the sentence, and many times, they are the reason for the 
sentence. This is especially true of sentences with intransitive verbs, which take no direct object. If you want to expand I ran, you need to add an adverb or adverbial.
So a better way to phrase this advice is: Use adverbs when they add meaning and clarity; delete imprecise and redundant adverbs.

Don't use comma splices

I discussed the effective use of the comma splice last fall, but I’ve seen pushback against the use of the commas splice come up again (probably because I’ve advocated for it as a stylistic tool). Yes, the comma splice is nonstandard and most grammar books, therefore, advise against it; but it has been used as a stylistic and rhetorical tool for hundreds of years.
Need proof? Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cities opens with a paragraph of comma splices, and my 9th-grade English teacher loved that paragraph so much, she forced us all to memorize it and test us on it.
Two dialogue bubbles, one labeled
Other authors who have used the comma splice include: Agatha Christie, Stephen King, George Saunders, Suzanne Collins, Gillian Flynn, James Baldwin, bell hooks, Orson Scott Card . . . in fact, author and editor Stan Carey states in “Oh, Splices You’ll See” that he found “1–3 examples [of comma splices] maximum” in each book he read.
Finally, several reference books I own—including Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams and Joseph Bizup, Rhetorical Grammar by Martha Kolln and Loretta Gray, Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, The Copyeditor’s Handbook by Amy Einsohn and Marilyn Schwartz—and The Chicago Manual of Style’s “Fiction+” blog acknowledge the comma splice as an option in creative writing.
Comma splices are most effective when:
  •  the independent clauses are short and have no internal commas;
  • the independent clauses are parallel or repetitive;
  • the independent clauses are so closely related that the alternative ways to combine them add too much emphasis or abruptness, or would break up the relationship;
  • and the tone is informal.

Self-edit tips

For showing and telling, and adverbs:
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I recently read in Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace (12th ed.) by Joseph M. Williams and Joseph Bizup that “revision is a three-step process: analyze, assess, rewrite,” and that applies here (35). Grab a sample of your writing and a few highlighters in different colors. 
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​Highlight all the adverbs and verbs in your sentence in two different colors.
Analyze: Am I using a lot of the following verbs: linking be, have, make, go, do, get, or take? What kind of adverbs am I using?

Assess: Does my verb reflect the important action in my sentence, or is there another stronger and more descriptive verb? Do my adverbs add clarity and meaning to the sentence? Do they add essential information? Or is there a more precise word to use?
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Rewrite the sentences.
For comma splices:

Many line editors, copyeditors, and proofreaders will automatically correct a comma splice even when it is a part of the author’s style, so the first thing you must do is determine how you use the comma splice, and whether or not you want it as part of your edited style.  Ask a trusted reader or your editor to mark comma splices so you can analyze, assess, and revise. 
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The second thing you must do is determine whether it bothers your reader. Ask a couple more readers (ones who didn’t read for the comma splices specifically) to read a passage with the comma splice in it. Ask them to mark any sentences that jarred or distracted them. If the comma splice is effective, they probably won’t even notice it.
This all helps you learn when you want to stet for style in the future. Stet means “let it stand,” and it’s what authors (and sometimes editors) do when they reject an edit on their manuscript because they think it changes the meaning, rhythm, or tone of a sentence. Make sure you mark anything you stet for style with a comment before you give it or return it to your editor for a final pass.

What is a writing myth you've come across on social media? Comment below!

Further Study

3 ways to use comma splices effectively
The Chicago Manual of Style Fiction+ hompage
"Comma Splices and Run-on Sentences," The Chicago Manual of Style Fiction+
Using adverbs in fiction – clunk versus clarity
“Showing versus telling” in Editing Fiction at Sentence Level by Louise Harnby
Oh, the Splices You’ll See!
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Editor's Roundup: 2023 in Review

12/30/2022

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14 novels edited​

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Unreleased & covers not currently available:
  • Guardian by S.G. Blinn
  • First Immortals by S.G. Blinn
  • Shadow Kiss by S.G. Blinn
  • The Light after the Darkness by Beverley J. Hall

6 Novellas and Vellas edited

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*Stripped Away and The Daring Adventures of Honoria Porter are ongoing.

15 short fiction pieces edited

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Plus 12 other short fiction pieces!

3 trainings completed

  • ACES Certificate in Editing
  • Louise Harnby's Fiction Editorial Report training
  • Louise Harnby's Narrative Distance training

Thank you!

When I began my freelance editing business in 2020, I never dreamed  I would have such consistent work! Thank you for giving me a sneak peek at all your stories this year. You are all so talented and impressive, and polishing your manuscripts is the most rewarding work I've done in my adult life. I can't wait to see what is in store for you all in 2023!

Happy New Year!

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Editor's Roundup: November 2022

11/30/2022

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3 minute read
As seen on TikTok

​What’s discussed in this post

  • Farther vs. further
  • Unphased vs. unfazed
  • Breech vs. breach
  • Self-editing tips
  • ​Further reading

Farther vs. further

Of the three listed, further and farther is the most common correction I make. While they have similar definitions, The Chicago Manual of Style indicates that further and farther should be used in distinct ways.

Further is for metaphorical distance.
That couldn’t be further from my mind.
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Farther is for literal or physical distance.
She ran farther than me.

Unphased vs. unfazed

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I usually see this when an author is trying to describe a character being unaffected:
She was unphased by his comment.

However, to phase means to schedule or perform a plan or task in stages, and to faze means to disturb or disconcert. 
Therefore, the correct word to describe a character being “unaffected,” is unfazed.
She was unfazed by his comment.

​Breech vs. breach

Typically, an author mixes up these verbs when they’re describing breaking through a perimeter:
They breeched the border.

However, breech doesn’t have a verb form according to Merriam-Webster. It is a noun meaning the buttocks.

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At thirty-seven weeks, the baby was in a breech position.

The verb form of breach means to break open or break through. Therefore, breach is the correct homophone to use.

They breached the border. ​

Self-editing tips

When dealing with homophones and near-homophones, we need to look at both the words’ meanings and the context to determine which word to use.

One way to do this is to highlight the word, right-click, and look up synonyms. If none of the synonyms match the meaning of the word, you're probably using the wrong homophone. However, in the case of further and farther, this way would not be reliable because the first definition of further is farther (English is so fun).
 
So if you have MS Word, a second way to do this is to add the MerriamFetch macro. This is my favorite way to verify spelling and word choice because you can set it up with a keyboard shortcut so that Merriam-Webster is a keystroke away at all times.
Here is where you can find the MerriamFetch macro by Paul Beverley.

Lastly, if you know what homophones you confuse, make a reference chart!

Further reading

Instagram, @itssarahhawkinsedits, “Is it I have further to go or I have farther to go?” 
The Chicago Manual of Style, “5.250 Good Usage versus common usage.”
Editing Macros by Paul Beverley
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Grammar 101: Adding Complexity

11/4/2022

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14 Min Read
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​​​What’s discussed in this post

  • Introduction
  • The difference between a clause and a phrase
  • What is Coordination?
  • Types of Coordination
  • ​What is Subordination?
  • Types of Subordination
  • Exercise 3
  • Further Reading

​Introduction

In the last chapter of the Style Series: Grammar 101 post, we learned all about the 7 basic sentence patterns. These form the core of every sentence. Without them, you cannot have a complete, grammatical sentence, or an independent clause.
 
But you may have noticed that your nouns, verbs, and predicates are more complex. Each part of the independent clause can be expanded, or added onto, to create complexity and interest. This is where phrases and clauses, and subordination and coordination come into play.

​The difference between a clause and a phrase

When you look up "clause" and "phrase" in the dictionary, their definitions sound similar. Both are a group of words, but phrases only form a syntactical unit with a single grammatical function (ex. adverbial phrase), and clauses contain a subject and predicate.
 
For example, let’s look at the following sentence:
 
When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe.
 
The independent clause is the barista scanned me (noun + transitive verb + direct object). But as you can see, I naturally made a complex sentence with two add-ons:
 
When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe.
 
The first part of the sentence is a clause because it has a subject (I) and a predicate (walked up to the counter). It can easily become a complete sentence by removing the introductory when. The final part of the sentence is a phrase because it has no verb but still forms a grammatical structure, an adverbial.

​What is Coordination

Coordination occurs when you expand your sentence by linking like grammatical structures with punctuation and/or conjunctions. There are three types of conjunctions:
​
  1. Coordinating conjunctions (FANBOYS = for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so)
  2. Conjunctive adverbs (however, also, instead, rather, therefore, thus, meanwhile, etc.)
  3. Correlative conjunctions (both–and, not only–but also, etc.)​
Coordination can either occur within a single grammatical structure, like a subject, or between two independent clauses. The below example uses all three types of conjunctions. As you can see, it’s easy to use coordinative conjunctions, and it can also be easy to misidentify them if you’re not aware of all three types.
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Ex. Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 
We’ll explore this sentence further as we review the types of coordination.

​Types of Coordination

There are two main types of coordination: coordination within a sentence, and coordination between sentences.
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Intrasentence Coordination
 
The prefix intra- simply means “within.” Therefore, intrasentence coordination is when when you coordinate within sentences by linking grammatical structures into a single structure or phrase. This includes compound subjects, direct objects, 
​indirect objects (noun phrases), and compound predicates (verb phrases). Let’s look at the intrasentence coordination in the example from above.
Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 
There is only one example intrasentence coordination in this sentence. The compound subject Milo and Greg uses the coordinating conjunction and to form a noun phrase. Below is the sentence recast to create a compound predicate:
 
Milo and Greg danced and sang, and they were terrible at both, which made us laugh.
Intersentence Coordination
 
Coordination also occurs intersentence, or between sentences (independent clauses). In both of the above examples about Milo and Greg, intersentence coordination is used multiple times.
 
Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 

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The first type of intersentence coordination uses the correlative conjunction Not only­–but also to connect two independent clauses. Notice the Not only clause is an inverted sentence, where the verb comes before the noun, and a different emphasis and rhythm are created. You may have also misidentified this conjunction because but also is split up by they. While not only is always one unit, but also can be together or split up, depending on what you want to emphasize. See how the emphasis changes when new move the also:
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Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they sang also; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 
Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but also they sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.

Personally, I think my version reads best.
​The second type of intersentence coordination is ; however. However is an adverbial conjunction, and in its current position, it requires a semicolon to prevent a run-on sentence. Like correlative conjunctions, adverbial conjunctions have flexibility. They can move them throughout the sentence to change the emphasis. In most cases, you’ll want to enclose the adverbial conjunction with a pair of commas or a semicolon and a comma.
 
Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; they were, however, terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 
Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; they were terrible at both, however, and we all had a good laugh.
 
The third type of intersentence coordination is the coordinating conjunction and. (If but wasn’t part of a correlative conjunction, it would be a coordinating conjunction too!) This is probably the simplest form of intersentence coordination, and the one writers, no matter their level of expertise, are most familiar with.

Not only did Milo and Greg dance, but they also sang; however, they were terrible at both, and we all had a good laugh.
 
With some exceptions, a comma comes before the coordinating conjunction when it is connecting two complete sentences.

​Types of Subordination

You create subordination through dependent (subordinate) clauses. These clauses begin with a subordinating conjunction and include a subject and predicate.

There 8 types of subordinating conjunctions:
  1. Time: when, whenever, after, as, before, once, since, till, until, now that, while, as long as, as soon as
  2. Consideration: though, although, even though, if, while
  3. Possibility: if, once
  4. Condition: if, in case, as long as, unless, provided that
  5. Reason: because, since, as long as
  6. Result: so, so that
  7. Comparison: as, just as, if
  8. Contrast: while, whereas
Types of Subordination

There are three types of subordination: adverbial, adjectival, and nominal. But each of these types of subordination has subtypes.
 
Adverbial clauses
 
Like other adverbials, an adverbial clause modifies a verb phrase. They can be tricky to identify because adverbials are movable, so they can appear anywhere in the sentence, depending on what the author wants to emphasize. Therefore, a good clue that you’re working with an adverbial is that you can move it.

I used an adverbial introductory clause in my coffeehouse sentence to tell the reader when the barista scanned me:
 
When I walked up to the counter, the barista scanned me from head to toe.
Here is the clause at the end of the sentence:
 
The barista scanned me from head to toe when I walked up to the counter.
 
Both are grammatically correct but create different emphases. While the introductory adverbial highlights what I am doing and what I see, the ending adverbial focuses more on the barista's actions.
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A variation of the adverbial clause is the elliptical clause, in which something is deleted. The elliptical clause is always introduced by either while or when. When you use the elliptical clause, the subject of the main clause is always the understood subject of the adverbial as well. 
Adjectival clauses
 
Adjectival clauses, also known as relative clauses, are clauses that modify a noun phrase, which includes subjects, direct objects, indirect objects, subject complements, complements, and objects of prepositional phrases. They are introduced by a relative pronoun (that, who, or which) or a relative adverb (where, when, or why).

Let’s add an adjectival clause to the barista sentence as an example:
 
When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe.
There is often more than one barista behind the counter, so by adding the adjectival clause to the sentence, we specify which barista scanned me. We also add a little suspense because of what the barista is doing when they scan me. It hints at their intention (to check me out), and it hints at what may come—some romcom meet-cute shenanigans.
​

Sometimes adjectival clauses that start with which don’t refer to any specific noun, but instead refer to the whole main clause. These are called broad reference clauses.
 
When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe, which thrilled me.
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When determining where an adjectival clause needs to be set off by commas, you need to determine if the clause is restrictive or nonrestrictive. Restrictive clauses provide identifying information, and therefore should not be set off by commas. Nonrestrictive clauses include commentary and should be set off by a pair of commas.
In the case of When I walked up to the counter, the barista who was steaming milk scanned me from head to toe, the adjectival clause provides identifying information and therefore no comma is necessary.
Nominal clauses

​Nominal clauses are clauses that fill noun phrase positions. Essentially, if the clause functions as a noun, you have a nominal clause. Two of the most common types of nominal clauses are the nominalizer and the interrogative.


A nominalizer is introduced by the relative pronoun that and fills the place of direct objects, subjects, or introduces indirect speech.

I suspect that the barista liked what she saw.

That the barista over steamed the milk proves she liked what she saw.

She said that the barista scanned me from head to toe when I walked up to the counter.
When it is clear that the nominalizer is acting as a subject not object, you don’t need that to introduce the clause. This is why you often see “remove that” as a quick way to improve your writing. Beware, though: while that can often be removed in nominalizers, just as often that is needed as a signal to the reader.
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The other type common type of nominal clause is introduced by an interrogative (who, what, when, where, why, which, or how), so I’m going to call it an interrogative nominal clause.

I wondered why she was checking me out.
Who I was going on a date with was kept secret.
I didn’t know anything about how the rules of football work.
My main question, why she was checking me out, can only be answered by the barista.
 
While that can often be omitted in a nominalizer, the introductory interrogative word cannot be omitted from the clause.

Exercise 3

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Download the Free Workbook

Further Reading

Chapter 4, “Coordination and Subordination” in Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects, 6th ed., by Martha Kolln and Lorette Gray
Pages 157–166, 180–185, 201–202, “Coordination and Subordination” in Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects, 6th ed., by Martha Kolln and Lorette Gray
“What is a Subordinate Clause,” Grammar Girl blog and podcast
Style Series, Grammar 101: The seven basic sentence patterns
Style Series: What is a Writing Style
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October Editor's Roundup: Commas

10/28/2022

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5 min read
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What’s discussed in this post

  • Commas with a direct address in dialogue
  • Commas with an indirect quotation within the question
  • Commas with relative clauses
  • Self-editing tips
  • Self-editing tips

​Commas with a direct address in dialogue

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This is also known as a vocative expression. It's when one character directly addresses another character in dialogue, whether it be by name, nickname, a term of endearment, or another title, the address is set off by a comma or a pair of commas.
If the direct address comes at the beginning of the sentence, the comma goes after the expression:
“Duke, you need to stop talking.”

If the direct address comes in the middle of the sentence, the expression is set off by a pair of commas:

“C’mon, Addy, let’s go to the park!”

If the direct address comes at the end of the sentence, a comma goes before the expression:

“Go home, Martin!”

Commas with an indirect quotation within the question

In their latest manuscripts, a couple of my clients used a construction within dialogue that involved a character questioning what another character said. For example:

“What do you mean Lola ate all the cheese?” she said.

This kind of question can be styled in two different ways:



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1. A subordinate clause with a direct quotation – In this case, you'll put a comma between the subordinate clause What do you mean and the independent clause Lola ate all the cheese, and you’ll add single quotations around the independent clause.

​“What do you mean, ‘Lola ate all the cheese?’ ” she said.
​
2. 
A dependent clause followed by an indirect quotation – This utilizes the scheme of elision, which is when you omit or drop words that are easily understood by the reader. In this case, the omitted word is by. When you utilize elision, a comma replaces the omitted word. 

​“What do you mean by Lola ate all the cheese?” she said.                 
“What do you mean, Lola ate all the cheese?” she said.

In either case, commas are needed between the subordinate interrogative What do you mean and the independent clause. Which style is up to you, but aesthetics should be a consideration. In the manuscripts I edited, I chose the indirect-quotation style because the direct-quotation style looked busy.

Commas with relative clauses

Relative clauses are dependent clauses that begin with relative pronouns. Who, which, what, and that are the most commonly used relative pronouns. Whether or not you need to set off a relative clause with a comma depends on whether the clause is restrictive or nonrestrictive.

Restrictive clauses include information that is essential to the meaning of the sentence. They should not be set off with a comma or pair of commas.

The woman who lives upstairs needs to soundproof her bedroom a little more.

Nonrestrictive clauses include information that is not essential to the meaning of the sentence. They should be set off with a comma or pair of commas.

Janet, who is my upstairs neighbor, needs to soundproof her bedroom a little more.

Self-editing tips

As an author, it’s sometimes hard to be objective enough to determine if a piece of information is essential to the meaning of the sentence. After all, if it wasn’t necessary, you wouldn’t have written it!

I find it helpful to think of nonrestrictive/restrictive this way:


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Is it identifying? Then it is restrictive. Do not set it off with a comma.
Is it commenting? Then it is nonrestrictive and should be set off with a comma or pair of commas.

Many proofreading and editing softwares will pick up on vocative expressions and introductory subordinate clauses and will suggest a comma or pair of commas, so use those to your advantage. Always keep in mind that a comma is required between an introductory subordinate (dependent) clause and an independent clause, and vocative expressions should always be set off with a comma or pair of commas. Otherwise, your reader will trip over the sentence, and they’ll be pulled out of the manuscript.

Further reading

The Chicago Manual of Style 5.56: Relative pronouns defined
The Chicago Manual of Style 6.24: Commas with introductory dependent clauses
The Chicago Manual of Style 6.53: Commas with direct address
The Chicago Manual of Style 6.54: Commas to indicate elision
Comma Table
Comma Series
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Grammar 101: the 7 Basic Sentence patterns

10/21/2022

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3 min read
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What's covered in this post

  • Introduction
  • Be patterns
  • Linking verb pattern
  • Intransitive verb pattern
  • Transitive verb patterns
  • Exercise 2: Identifying sentence patterns

Introduction

You need a good foundation in grammar to curate and intentionally use your style. So, we are embarking on the Grammar 101 section of the Style Series. This week we’re going to learn all about the 7 basic sentence patterns.

Be patterns

​Be patterns involve any verbs derived from the infinitive “to be.” They include is, am, are, were, was, been, and being. Being Verbs have a bad reputation as weak verbs, but when used correctly, they can be powerful. There are two basic sentence patterns that use being verbs:
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In the first pattern, the being verb is followed by an  adverbial . An adverbial is any structure that modifies a verb. But in this pattern, it is usually an adverbial of time or place, or answers the questions When? or Where?

              Example: She is in the chair. 
               She + is + in the chair = Subject + Be + Place Adverbial (where)

In the second pattern, the being verb is followed by a subject complement, which is either an adjective or a noun phrase called a referent. Referents rename the subject while adjectives describe the subject.

             Examples: The playroom is a mess.
            The playroom + is + a mess = Subject + Be + Referent
            The playroom is messy.
            The playroom + is + messy. = Subject + Be + Adjective

Linking verb pattern

Linking verbs are all verbs other than “to be” that are completed by a subject complement, such as taste, smell, feel, become, remain, look, appear, seem, and prove. There is only one basic sentence pattern that utilizes linking verbs:
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But the linking verbs still serve different functions. The sensory-based linking verbs (taste, smell, etc.) usually link the subject to an adjective.

                Example: This book smells amazing.
                This book + smells + amazing = Subject + Linking Verb + Adjective

Other linking verbs, such as become and remain, link a noun to a referent.
​
              Example: This house remains a mess.
             This house + remains + a mess = Subject + Linking Verb + Referent

Intransitive verb pattern

An intransitive verb is an action verb (also considered a “strong” verb) that doesn’t take a direct object, such as ran, jump, laugh, and bark. Therefore, the intransitive verb pattern is the simplest pattern.
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             Example: The T-rex ran.
             The T-rex + ran = Subject + Intransitive Verb

Transitive verb patterns

Like intransitive verbs, transitive verbs are action verbs. But transitive verbs take a direct object, which is a noun phrase that answers the question of What? or Whom? There are three basic sentence patterns that use transitive verbs:
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In the first pattern, the transitive verb and direct object complete each other. You don’t need anything else to understand the core sentence.

            Example: We eat pizza.
            We + eat + pizza = Subject + Transitive Verb + Direct Object

In the second pattern, an indirect object completes the meaning of the sentence. An indirect object refers to whatever receives the direct object, or whomever the action is performed for.

            Example: TikTok gave many writers a community.
           TikTok + gave + many writers + a community = Subject + Transitive Verb + Indirect
           Object + Direct Object


In the third pattern, an object complement follows the direct object. Like a subject complement, an object complement is a noun or phrase. But an object complement describes the direct object.

             Example: My son calls quesadillas piñatas.
            My son + calls + quesadillas + piñatas = Subject + Transitive Verb + Direct Object +
​            Object Complement

Exercise 2: Identifying Your Sentence Patterns

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Download the free worksheet
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